I feel like mom tries to keep me focused on her most of the day on a daily bases. I stay so stressed out all the time with little or no relief. My only way out is through my daydreams of the life I really want to be living.
When I day dream, I see myself living in a nice house that I own and living down the street from my mom. In this daydream she has a nurse that takes care of her so that I’m able to pleasantly visit her and not have to be there all the time. I’m working my dream job as a real estate investor after working so hard to achieve becoming a broker. I have my friend DJ living with me since we get along so well and have many common interest. It helps having him there so that neither of us has to live alone.
I keep pictures of my dream house so that I can visualize it much easier. It runs like a story in my mind. I’m afraid that when I’m able to finally live this dream, I’m going to be too old to enjoy any of it. It already breaks my heart that I’m not able to help my daughter in anyway on my own. My mom does what she feels my daughter need help on and I have no true say so. I feel like I was only there to give birth to her and everyone else was able to have their fun enjoying her life. They say that I was there to do it, but they don’t see that they did it all while pushing me and what I had to say out of the picture. They don’t realize that I can’t have anymore children so I can’t have another one to raise on my own.
Now I’m not able to go out and enjoy the world and the people in it. The longer I have to stay in this house, the more it makes me afraid to leave, and that’s just not what I want. My mom says that I go to the store and see my friends once a month that is getting out. If she only seen how the rest of the world is now she would know that she is wrong. But don’t ever tell her that she’s wrong… she will stop you from talking and nothing more is said about it. So we never get past that point and get to talk about how to correct what is happening. I feel like a prisoner in my own home with no way out and no place to turn. I don’t have the money to get a nurse for her, not to mention every dime I get she takes in fear that I’ll leave if I do make money. So while at the same time she is telling me that I can get a job, she is doing what she can to sabotage my achieving my goals. That also includes getting any schooling. I so want to go to college. There is so much I want to do in this world, but with her fear, I can’t.
